Mock The Weeks Funniest Book Of All Time

Download or read book Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree, Limited. This book was released on 2011 with total page 159 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The bestselling stocking filler returns, though you might want to give granny her Christmas sherry before she looks at it: MOCK THE WEEK'S FUNNIEST BOOK OF ALL TIME* is an hilarious, edgy collection of brand new gags from the team behind the popular panel show. Categories include: UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS: arsehopper (n.): small green insect that lives up your arse. I may have misheard this. UNLIKELY VILLAGE NAMES: Clegg-Under-Cameron; Cock-on-the-Curtain; Tinchy Stryder . . . UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY: 'This year's Speech Day has of course been ruined by those silly boys who assassinated Mr Bartram . . .' UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON DOWNTON ABBEY: 'Mr Bates's leg? He hurt it helping Otis Ferry throw a fire extinguisher off Nelson's Column at a Countryside Alliance march.' UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: You won't get this (12, 4, 3, 5) *This refers only to this and the previous three MTW books, and even that's a matter of opinion . . .

Download or read book Mock the Week written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree. This book was released on 2010-06-24 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mock The Week: 1001 Scenes We'd Like To See is the funniest, rudest book of the summer, packed with enough one-liners to fill a whole new series. If you've ever wondered what would be a bad thing to say at a state banquet, or need advice on slogans you shouldn't have tattooed on your arse, then this book will prove invaluable. Collecting together the best one-liners from two bestselling Mock the Week books, categories include: UNSUCCESSFUL PERSONAL ADS: Companion required for long sessions of Sudoku. No timewasters. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Sorry About Your Face. UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: May cause diarrhoea, dysentery, flatulence, piles and other hilarious bottom-related ailments. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: Apricot knee Simon - well a nun might if the Zeppelin has grown its own Byzantium (16,8) LINES YOU'D NEVER SEE IN A JAMES BOND BOOK: '"James, he's using the diamonds to divert a giant laser onto New York from outer space." Bond took the bottle out of M's shaking hand and helped her off the floor into bed.'

Download or read book Thank You for Coming to Hattiesburg written by Todd Barry and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2017-03-14 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “With this charming, sardonic debut, stand up comedian and actor Todd Barry makes readers laugh as hard as the audiences at his shows” (Publishers Weekly) in this hilarious book of travel essays from his time on tour in the US, Canada, and Israel. Hello. It’s Todd Barry. Yes, the massively famous comedian. I have billions of fans all over the world, so I do my fair share of touring. While I love doing shows in the big cities (New York, Philadelphia), I also enjoy a good secondary market (Ithaca, Bethlehem). Performing in these smaller places can be great because not all entertainers stop there on tour; they don’t expect to see you. They’re appreciative. They say things like “Thank you for coming to Hattiesburg” as much as they say “Nice show.” And almost every town has their version of a hipster coffee shop, so I can get in my comfort zone. My original plan was to book one secondary market show in all fifty states, in about a year, but that idea was funnier than anything in my act. So, instead of all fifty states in a year, my agent booked multiple shows in a lot of states, plus Israel and Canada. Thank You for Coming to Hattiesburg is part tour diary, part travel guide, and part memoir (Yes, memoir. Just like the thing presidents and former child stars get to write). Follow me on my journey of small clubs, and the occasional big amphitheater. Watch me make a promoter clean the dressing room toilet in Connecticut, see me stare at beached turtles in Maui, and see how I react when Lars from Metallica shows up to see me at a rec center in Northern California. I’d love to tell you more, but I need to go book a flight to Evansville, Indiana.

Download or read book My Shit Life So Far written by Frankie Boyle and published by HarperCollins UK. This book was released on 2009-10-01 with total page 28 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Ever since being brought up by The Beatles, Frankie Boyle has been a tremendous liar. Join him on his adventures with his chum Clangy The Brass Boy and laugh as he doesn’t accidentally kill a student nurse when a party gets out of hand.

Download or read book Dory Fantasmagory: The Real True Friend written by Abby Hanlon and published by Dial Books. This book was released on 2015-07-07 with total page 162 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Dory, a highly imaginative youngest child, makes a new friend at school but her brother and sister are sure Rosabelle is imaginary, just like all of Dory's other friends.

Download or read book Pundamentalist written by Gary Delaney and published by Headline. This book was released on 2020-10-01 with total page 118 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .

Download or read book Mock the Week: Brand Spanking New Scenes We'd Like to See written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree. This book was released on 2014-10-01 with total page 223 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Modern life is a minefield. Fortunately, the creators of Mock the Week are here to give you advice on the important things in life: from office etiquette to camping holidays, the worst things to hear while sitting on the toilet - and what not to say when passing through Customs . . . Categories include: Unlikely Things to Hear at a Funeral: 'Could whoever that is stop knocking, I'm trying to do the Eulogy!' Unlikely Things to Say on Your First Day in Prison: 'How thoughtful! Someone's left a bucket of chocolate mousse in the corner of my cell.' Guide to Keeping Tropical Fish: For a special treat, pour a smoothie slowly into the fish tank. They love that. Mountaineering Tips: Try to make sure you are accompanied by an experienced mountaineer or, failing that, someone really fat who will make for a soft landing. Medical Self-Diagnosis: If it comes out faster than gravity would normally allow, then there's something wrong.