Mock The Week

Download or read book Mock the Week written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree. This book was released on 2010-06-24 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mock The Week: 1001 Scenes We'd Like To See is the funniest, rudest book of the summer, packed with enough one-liners to fill a whole new series. If you've ever wondered what would be a bad thing to say at a state banquet, or need advice on slogans you shouldn't have tattooed on your arse, then this book will prove invaluable. Collecting together the best one-liners from two bestselling Mock the Week books, categories include: UNSUCCESSFUL PERSONAL ADS: Companion required for long sessions of Sudoku. No timewasters. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Sorry About Your Face. UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: May cause diarrhoea, dysentery, flatulence, piles and other hilarious bottom-related ailments. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: Apricot knee Simon - well a nun might if the Zeppelin has grown its own Byzantium (16,8) LINES YOU'D NEVER SEE IN A JAMES BOND BOOK: '"James, he's using the diamonds to divert a giant laser onto New York from outer space." Bond took the bottle out of M's shaking hand and helped her off the floor into bed.'

Download or read book Mock the Week written by Dara O Briain and published by . This book was released on 2007-12-01 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book Mock the Week: Brand Spanking New Scenes We'd Like to See written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree. This book was released on 2014-10-01 with total page 223 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Modern life is a minefield. Fortunately, the creators of Mock the Week are here to give you advice on the important things in life: from office etiquette to camping holidays, the worst things to hear while sitting on the toilet - and what not to say when passing through Customs . . . Categories include: Unlikely Things to Hear at a Funeral: 'Could whoever that is stop knocking, I'm trying to do the Eulogy!' Unlikely Things to Say on Your First Day in Prison: 'How thoughtful! Someone's left a bucket of chocolate mousse in the corner of my cell.' Guide to Keeping Tropical Fish: For a special treat, pour a smoothie slowly into the fish tank. They love that. Mountaineering Tips: Try to make sure you are accompanied by an experienced mountaineer or, failing that, someone really fat who will make for a soft landing. Medical Self-Diagnosis: If it comes out faster than gravity would normally allow, then there's something wrong.

Download or read book The Now Show Book written by Steve Punt and published by Orion. This book was released on 2011-09-15 with total page 189 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The must-have look at the world from the team behind Radio 4's THE NOW SHOW. THE NOW SHOW BOOK boldly tackles all the superlatives that other books avoid. It does this by means of making stuff up and scrupulously avoiding too much research, insight, or fact. Unless the fact is funnier. And legal to mention. Split into illuminating subject sections, categories include: Biggest Scare Story Worst Political Gaffe Most Hated Corporate Jargon Most Annoying Recorded Announcement Most Stressful Special Occasion Most Baffling Commercial Most Inaccurate Weather Forecast - and many more! With Marcus Brigstocke and Mitch Benn adding their own fine touches, this book is a fascinating, engrossing - and brilliantly entertaining - look at the modern world ...

Download or read book Every Night of the Week written by Lucy Tweed and published by Allen & Unwin. This book was released on 2021-08-03 with total page 502 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Lucy has a special gift. Everything she touches turns to magical, sparkling loveliness.' Donna Hay Some days you want to cook; other days the goal is simply 'food in mouths'. Welcome to Every Night of the Week, a cookbook for people who don't like hard-and-fast recipes, by food and recipe writer, stylist and Instagram genie Lucy Tweed. MONDAY has potential. There are lists and ideas. The herbs are fresh and the fridge is full. TUESDAY the week has begun. Can we have efficient and beautifully delicious please? WEDNESDAY we wonder what day it is. Cook with a dash of laziness; it tastes great. THURS ... we're not even typing the full day anymore. What's in the freezer? What can we pimp? FRIDAY is family fun. 'Decorate' your own pizza, kids, or DIY san choy bau. Time to exhale. SATURDAY is the flex day, time to stretch the repertoire. Hmm, who's around for lunch? SUNDAY is for brunch and linner; two leisurely meals, eaten in absolute comfort. THAT EXTRA DAY YOU WISHED FOR is the secret day that will save your bacon Tues-Thurs. 'My signature dish is Lucy's recipe that she taught me in less than an hour. But don't tell anyone; I get a lot of compliments.' Wil Anderson

Download or read book Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree, Limited. This book was released on 2011 with total page 159 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The bestselling stocking filler returns, though you might want to give granny her Christmas sherry before she looks at it: MOCK THE WEEK'S FUNNIEST BOOK OF ALL TIME* is an hilarious, edgy collection of brand new gags from the team behind the popular panel show. Categories include: UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS: arsehopper (n.): small green insect that lives up your arse. I may have misheard this. UNLIKELY VILLAGE NAMES: Clegg-Under-Cameron; Cock-on-the-Curtain; Tinchy Stryder . . . UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY: 'This year's Speech Day has of course been ruined by those silly boys who assassinated Mr Bartram . . .' UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON DOWNTON ABBEY: 'Mr Bates's leg? He hurt it helping Otis Ferry throw a fire extinguisher off Nelson's Column at a Countryside Alliance march.' UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: You won't get this (12, 4, 3, 5) *This refers only to this and the previous three MTW books, and even that's a matter of opinion . . .

Download or read book The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond written by Brenda Woods and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2015-01-22 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Coretta Scott King Honor winner Brenda Woods’ moving, uplifting story of a girl finally meeting the African American side of her family explores racism and how it feels to be biracial, and celebrates families of all kinds. Violet is biracial, but she lives with her white mother and sister, attends a mostly white school in a white town, and sometimes feels like a brown leaf on a pile of snow. Now that she’s eleven, she feels it’s time to learn about her African American heritage, so she seeks out her paternal grandmother. When Violet is invited to spend two weeks with her new Bibi (Swahili for "grandmother") and learns about her lost heritage, her confidence in herself grows and she discovers she’s not a shrinking Violet after all. From a Coretta Scott King Honor-winning author, this is a powerful story about a young girl finding her place in the world.