The Funniest Chelsea Quotes Ever

Download or read book The Funniest Chelsea Quotes... Ever! written by Gordon Law and published by . This book was released on 2016-11-01 with total page 130 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From Jose Mourinho to Ron 'Chopper' Harris, Chelsea managers and players have kept us entertained with some truly hilarious sound bites over the years. In this comprehensive collection, author Gordon Law has compiled more than 250 side-splitting quotes and quips from the men of Stamford Bridge.Packed with loads of classic one-liners, wise-cracks, verbal volleys and mixed metaphors, this book will have you chuckling throughout the season. "Mark Hughes is playing better and better, even if he's starting to look like a pigeon."Gianluca Vialli "Chelsea were a sausage, eggs and chips club before the foreign players arrived."Dennis Wise. "Wisey said I think too much. But I have to do all his thinking for him."Gianfranco Zola "With hindsight, it's easy to look at it with hindsight."Glenn Hoddle

Download or read book Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea written by Chelsea Handler and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2009-12-29 with total page 274 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In a word: hilarious. . . . These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt--Laura Zigman, author of "Animal Husbandry."

Download or read book My Horizontal Life written by Chelsea Handler and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2013-04-30 with total page 141 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

Download or read book Fever Pitch written by Nick Hornby and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2005-05-05 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: *WINNER OF THE WILLIAM HILL SPORTS BOOK OF THE YEAR* Fever Pitch is Nick Hornby's million-copy-selling, award-winnning football classic 'A spanking 7-0 away win of a football book. . . inventive, honest, funny, heroic, charming' Independent For many people watching football is mere entertainment, to some it's more like a ritual; but to others, its highs and lows provide a narrative to life itself. But, for Nick Hornby, his devotion to the game has provided one of few constants in a life where the meaningful things - like growing up, leaving home and forming relationships, both parental and romantic - have rarely been as simple or as uncomplicated as his love for Arsenal. Brimming with wit and honesty, Fever Pitch, catches perfectly what it really means to be a football fan - and in doing so, what it means to be a man. 'Hornby has put his finger on truths that have been unspoken for generations' Irish Times 'Funny, wise and true' Roddy Doyle

Download or read book Chelsea Girls written by Eileen Myles and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2015-09-29 with total page 161 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Available once again for a new generation of readers, the groundbreaking and candid coming-of-age novel in-real-time from one of America's most celebrated poets that is considered a cult classic. In this breathtakingly inventive autobiographical novel, Eileen Myles transforms life into a work of art. Told in her audacious voice, made vivid and immediate in her lyrical language, Chelsea Girls cobbles together memories of Myles’ 1960s Catholic upbringing with an alcoholic father, her volatile adolescence, her unabashed “lesbianity,” and her riotous pursuit of survival as a poet in 1970s New York. Suffused with alcohol, drugs, and sex; evocative in its depictions of the hardscrabble realities of a young artist’s life; and poignant with stories of love, humor, and discovery, Chelsea Girls is a funny, cool, and intimate account of a writer’s education, and a modern chronicle of how a young female writer shrugged off the chains of a rigid cultural identity meant to define her.

Download or read book Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang written by Chelsea Handler and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2010-04-01 with total page 139 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In these personal essays, the hilarious comedian and Chelsea Lately host reflects on family, love life, and the absurdities of adulthood with "cheeky candor" and signature wit (Philadelphia Inquirer). Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good! Chelsea Handler on . . . Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."

Download or read book A Certain Hunger written by Chelsea G. Summers and published by . This book was released on 2022-07-07 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'Irresistable.' Megan Abbott 'A gory, gorgeous feast of a book.' Kiran Millwood Hargrave 'This book is crazy. You have to read it.' Bon Appetit Dorothy Daniels has always had a voracious - and adventurous - appetite. From her idyllic farm-to-table childhood (homegrown tomatoes, thick slices of freshly baked bread) to the heights of her career as a food critic (white truffles washed down with Barolo straight from the bottle) Dorothy has never been shy about indulging her exquisite tastes - even when it lead to her plunging an ice pick into her lover's neck. There is something inside Dorothy that makes her different from everybody else. Something she's finally ready to confess. But beware: her story just might make you wonder how your lover would taste sautéed with shallots and mushrooms and deglazed with a little red wine. 'An unapologetic, rollicking satire of one woman's insatiable appetite.' Irish Times 'Thrilling and awful.' The Times 'One of the most uniquely fun and campily gory books in my recent memory.' New York Times 'Riotously funny and deliriously unhinged.' Refinery29 READERS ARE DEVOURING A CERTAIN HUNGER: 'Decadent, sleazy, visceral, disgusting. I can't believe this is a first novel.' 'If a female Hannibal starred in Orange is the New Black, it would give you a pretty good idea of what to expect from this novel. ... I could write pages about how much I loved this book but it would still not do it justice. Just read it!' 'This was everything I wanted from a book. Exciting, funny, gory, and most of all the absolutely exquisite writing.' 'I loved this book from beginning to end, it was dark, humorous and also made me a feel a little queasy in places!'