Diddly Squat

Download or read book Diddly Squat written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2021-11-11 with total page 137 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Pull on your wellies, grab your flat cap and join Jeremy Clarkson in this hilarious and fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Diddly Squat Farm THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out _________ Welcome to Clarkson's farm. It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'. And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it. From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough. Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . . _________ 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard Praise for Clarkson's Farm: 'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . it pains me to say this' GUARDIAN 'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT 'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH 'Quite lovely' THE TIMES

Download or read book Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2020-10-29 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once again. Who is that tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer? Has Jeremy turned into a horny-handed son of the soil? These and other perplexing questions may or may not be answered in the latest volume of Clarkson's utterly unbiased musings on life, the universe and everything in between (except cars - this isn't one of his four-wheel drive books). Inside you'll also discover why: · Bathing in crude oil isn't for everyone · People who go fishing hate their kids · Noise-cancelling headphones will never silence James May · The rambler who stole his marrow is in for it Full of fact-checked opinions and ideas so good they're no longer following the science but chasing it up a tree, Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? is one hundred per cent guaranteed Clarkson . . . Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Download or read book If You’d Just Let Me Finish written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2018-10-18 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Clarkson is back! Pre order his brand new book now. ___________ In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been. Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess? And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including - The disabling effects of being vegan - How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it - The problem with meditation - A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra - Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants to It's all been a bit unsettling. But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on ... Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant...laugh-out-loud' - Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny...will have you in stiches' - Time Out 'Very funny...I cracked up laughing on the tube' - Evening Standard

Download or read book Really? written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2019-10-03 with total page 391 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: JEREMY CLARKSON'S LATEST - AND MOST OUTRAGEOUS - TAKE ON THE WORLD CLARKSON'S BACK - AND THIS TIME HE'S PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWN From his first job as a travelling sales rep selling Paddington Bears to his latest wheeze as a gentleman farmer, Jeremy Clarkson's love of cars has just about kept him out of trouble. But in a persistently infuriating world, sometimes you have to race full-throttle at the speed-bumps. Because there's still plenty to get cross about, including: · Why nothing good ever came out of a meeting · Muesli's unmentionable side effects · Navigating London when every single road is being dug up at once · People who read online reviews of dishwashers · ****ing driverless cars Buckle up for a bumpy ride - you're holding the only book in history to require seatbelts . . . Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: Brilliant . . . Laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . Will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Download or read book Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Random House. This book was released on 2023-10-26 with total page 115 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out --- After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming: whatever you hope will happen, won't. Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour. But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon. And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths. Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic. Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner? Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending? ---- Readers are loving Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly ‘Another funny book from Jeremy. This one made me chuckle but, my only complaint it's too short. I wanted more. Hopefully Another book is being written as we speak’ ***** Reader Review ‘I love the show and I love the books. Both make me chuckle but have also given me an insight into farming and how hard farming is’ **** Reader Review ‘I’ve read the previous books and loved those as well. Witty and funny with depth and a bit of seriousness’ **** Reader Review ‘Loved it, quickest book I've ever read. Can't wait for the next Clarkson instalment’ **** Reader Review

Download or read book Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Random House. This book was released on 2022-09-29 with total page 143 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Head back down to Clarkson Farm with the latest bestseller from our favourite welly-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson ___________ Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb. Yet farming continues to be a challenge. For instance . . . · Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship? · Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing? · It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant? Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning. Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . . ___________ PRAISE FOR DIDDLY SQUAT 'Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years' James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life 'Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public' National Farmers Union 'A deserving Farming Champion of the Year' Farmers Weekly 'I don't know anything about farming. It's like David Attenborough doing jet-skiing, or Nicholas Witchell saying, "I'm going to be a cage fighter'" Jeremy Clarkson

Download or read book If You'd Just Let Me Finish! written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Michael Joseph. This book was released on 2018-10-18 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Well, someone's got to do it- in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy. Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? What doesn't someone care? It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.