Our Tiny Useless Hearts

Download or read book Our Tiny, Useless Hearts written by Toni Jordan and published by Text Publishing. This book was released on 2016-05-02 with total page 283 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and headed off to Noosa with Mercedes’ grade three teacher, Martha. Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry’s suits, has gone after them. Craig and Lesley have dropped over briefly from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline’s all-night row. And Janice, Caroline’s sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the girls because Janice is the sensible one. A microbiologist with a job she loves, a fervent belief in the beauty of the scientific method and a determination to make a solo life after her divorce from Alec. Then Craig returns through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice in her bed, Lesley storms in with a jealous heart and a mouthful of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis—and let’s not even get started on Brayden the pizza guy. Janice can cope with all that. But when Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated. Harnessing the exquisite timing of the great comedies to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous, Toni Jordan brings all her wit, wisdom and flair to this brilliant, hilarious novel. Toni Jordan is the author of four novels. The international bestseller Addition (2008), was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick and was longlisted for the Miles Franklin award. Fall Girl (2010) was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the 2012 Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best General Fiction award and was named in Kirkus Review’s top 10 Historical Novels of 2013. Her latest novel is Our Tiny, Useless Hearts (2016). ‘A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel: cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P. G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs.’ Liane Moriarty ‘A classic farce in the style of Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, complete with physical comedy, exaggerated situations and a spot of class commentary in the form of suburban satire, Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is loads of fun and clever too.’ Books+Publishing ‘Laugh-out-loud funny, yet with real emotion at its core, this is a sexy-smart rom-com about love and marriage...I loved it.’ Australian Women’s Weekly ‘Crisp and clever...conjuring a flawless but vividly rendered romantic hero and a love story that feels fresh and sexy.’ Saturday Paper ‘That Toni Jordan’s new novel manages to be a full-length fiction that simultaneously operates as a hugely enjoyable farce and an emotionally rich domestic drama is a testament to her skills as a writer and the charm of her voice.’ Australian ‘[A] clever and moving comedy about love and marriage. A hilarious and romantic treat.’ Who Weekly ‘Toni Jordan’s novel showcases not a bizarre triangle but a confused love heptagon. With wit and humour, this screwball bedroom farce bends the lines of communication and fidelity out of shape and reconfigures them.’ Best Books of 2016, Sydney Morning Herald ‘Toni Jordan is in that small group of novelists who can write smart, character- and situation-driven humour, which is to say laugh-out-loud comedy: take Our Tiny, Useless Hearts to the beach.’ Graeme Simsion, Best Books of 2016, Guardian ‘Marriage is complicated—and sometimes hilarious—in this novel...Jordan's dialogue is quick and witty, her writing is sharp, and the plot is fast-paced. However, the story's heart comes from the way it deals with the serious issues (like infidelity and infertility) that hide underneath the humor. A funny, pleasant look at love, forgiveness, and second chances.’ Kirkus Reviews

Download or read book Nine Days written by Toni Jordan and published by Text Publishing. This book was released on 2012-08-22 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It is 1939 and although Australia is about to go to war, it doesn’t quite realise yet that the situation is serious. Deep in the working-class Melbourne suburb of Richmond it is business—your own and everyone else’s—as usual. And young Kip Westaway, failed scholar and stablehand, is living the most important day of his life.

Download or read book Fall Girl written by Toni Jordan and published by Text Publishing. This book was released on 2010 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'The secret to having people give you money is to act as though you don't want it.' Meet Ella Canfield, highly qualified evolutionary biologist. Attractive, if a little serious-looking in those heavy glasses - but then she's about to put her career on the line. Dr Canfield is seeking funding for a highly unorthodox research project. She wants to prove that an extinct animal still roams in one of Australia's most popular national parks. Meet Daniel Metcalf, good-looking, expensively dishevelled millionaire. Quite witty but far too rich to be taken seriously. He heads the Metcalf Trust, which donates money to offbeat scientific research projects. He has a personal interest in animals that don't exist. Problem number one- There is no such person as Dr Ella Canfield. Problem number two- Della Gilmore, professional con artist, has never met anyone like Daniel Metcalf before. Someone is going to take a fall. A sparkling, sexy read from the author of Addition, Fall Girl is a story about passion and loyalty, deceit and integrity, and the importance of believing in things that don't exist.

Download or read book The Fragments written by Toni Jordan and published by Text Publishing. This book was released on 2018-10-29 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the award-winning, bestselling author of Addition and Nine Days, a superbly crafted and captivating literary mystery about a lost book and a secret love.

Download or read book Our Missing Hearts written by Celeste Ng and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2022-10-04 with total page 291 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'It's impossible not to be moved' Stephen King 'Stunning...this novel will break your heart and fire up your courage' Mail on Sunday The New York Times bestseller, a deeply heart-wrenching novel about the unbreakable love between a mother and child and a TIMES BEST PAPERBACK OF APRIL 2023 Twelve-year-old Bird Gardner lives a quiet existence with his loving father, a former linguist who now shelves books in a university library. His mother Margaret, a Chinese American poet, left without a trace when he was nine years old. He doesn't know what happened to her-only that her books have been banned-and he resents that she cared more about her work than about him. Then one day, Bird receives a mysterious letter containing only a cryptic drawing, and soon he is pulled into a quest to find her. His journey will take him back to the many folktales she poured into his head as a child, through the ranks of an underground network of heroic librarians, and finally to New York City, where he will finally learn the truth about what happened to his mother, and what the future holds for them both. Our Missing Hearts is an old story made new, of the ways supposedly civilized communities can ignore the most searing injustice. It's about the lessons and legacies we pass on to our children, and the power of art to create change.

Download or read book Addition written by Toni Jordan and published by ReadHowYouWant.com. This book was released on 2011-05-11 with total page 290 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Grace Lisa Vandenburg, the narrator of this pleasant neurotic-girl-meets-boy debut, is 35 years old and has been addicted to counting since she was eight. She lives alone in Melbourne, Australia, and is on sick leave from her teaching job, filling her weeks with counting-'steps and syllables and bites and things'-and sticking to her rigid routines, which include trips to the cafe and phone calls from her mother and self-absorbed younger sister. The only person in her life Grace relates to is her 10-year-old niece, Hilary, who is as quirky and charming as Grace is. Things are fine until Grace meets Seamus Joseph O'reilly, an Irish transplant who works at the local movie theater. Grace has not been on a date in two years and six months and hasn't been in love in forever, but as things progress with Seamus, she realizes what she has been missing. With some gentle encouragement, Grace agrees to test her boundaries and tries to find a happy medium between her obsession and living a full life. The novel does everything a sweet, agreeable romantic comedy should. (Feb.)

Download or read book Dinner with the Schnabels written by Toni Jordan and published by Hachette Australia. This book was released on 2022-03-30 with total page 331 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'I loved every page of this funny, warm, delightful novel!' LIANE MORIARTY 'A smart, funny novel about love, marriage and family.' Weekend Australian 'With sharply observed characters and comic set-pieces to make you laugh out loud, Dinner with the Schnabels is great fun to read and casts a more mature and acerbic eye on modern masculinity.' Sydney Morning Herald, Fiction Pick of the Week You can marry into them, but can you ever really be one of them? A novel about marriage, love and family. Things haven't gone well for Simon Larsen lately. He adores his wife, Tansy, and his children, but since his business failed and he lost the family home, he can't seem to get off the couch. His larger-than-life in-laws, the Schnabels - Tansy's mother, sister and brother - won't get off his case. To keep everyone happy, Simon needs to do one little job: he has a week to landscape a friend's backyard for an important Schnabel family event. But as the week progresses, Simon is derailed by the arrival of an unexpected house guest. Then he discovers Tansy is harbouring a secret. As his world spins out of control, who can Simon really count on when the chips are down? Life with the Schnabels is messy, chaotic and joyful, and Dinner with the Schnabels is as heartwarming as it is outrageously funny. Praise for Dinner with the Schnabels: 'Laughs all the way . . . a charmer of a book.' Daily Telegraph 'Dinner with the Schnabels is a contemporary comic masterpiece. Practically every page boasts lines redolent of humour, wit and sarcasm that will make you snigger if not laugh out loud.' ArtsHub 'Hilarious.' The Bookshelf (ABC Radio) 'Terrific . . . Dinner with the Schnabels is warm and quintessentially Australian yet extensively engaging.' Sydney Arts Guide 'Told with great humour and pathos. It is a tonic and a delight.' PIP WILLIAMS, author of The Dictionary of Lost Words 'Just delightful . . . a modern comedy of manners that pokes affectionate fun at contemporary Australia - all with Toni's trademark warmth, sensitivity and tenderness. I am pressing it into the hands of everyone I know.' KATE FORSYTH 'Toni Jordan at her finest - brilliantly observed and highly entertaining. I inhaled her words then snorted them out laughing!' JOANNA NELL 'Smart, tender, wise and hilarious. This is a dinner I didn't want to leave.' KATHRYN HEYMAN 'A modern Melbourne Oscar Wilde comedy of family conundrums, perfect for David Nicholls and Beth O'Leary fans!' DANIELLE BINKS 'As heartwarming as it is outrageously funny.' Herald Sun 'A sparkling, clever novel . . . Toni Jordan is at her best here, rivalling Liane Moriarty (a fan) with her comic skewering of social mores, pacy plot, sharp characterisations and sly questioning of contemporary values' In Daily 'The only criticism I could possibly level at this novel is that it was near-impossible to put down . . . Dinner with the Schnabels is a 5-star read for sure. Run, don't walk.' The AU Review 'This delicious story about family will be Jordan's most-loved novel yet . . . Dinner with the Schnabels just makes my life feel easier - it makes me feel seen.' Readings 'Once again proving why Jordan is one of this country's most exceptional writers.' Better Reading