Shouldve Gone Tae Specsavers Ref

Download or read book Should've Gone Tae Speavers, Ref! written by Allan Morrison and published by Luath Press Ltd. This book was released on 2013-10-31 with total page 136 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The referee. You can't have a game without one. The most hated man (or woman) in football but you have to invite one to every game. Enjoy a laugh at the anti and wicked humour of Scottish referee Big Erchie, a powerhouse at five foot five, and a top grade referee who strikes fear into he hearts of managers and players alike as he stringently applies the laws of the game. But Big Erchie is burdened with a terrible secret... He's a Stirling Albion supporter. EXCERPT: A booking by Big Erchie is a painstaking ritual for both player and referee as he calmly and prosaically enters the name of the offender in his book with the care of a monk drawing an illustrated letter, while at the same time gutting and filleting the culprit in a voice reminiscent of an acetylene torch set on full heat. Alas, on occasion, a frustrating petulant demonstration of power causes him to show a red card when a yellow would probably have suffice. Deep in his bosom, Big Erchie is consumed by a loathing of simulation, especially diving in the box. 'Some of that lot should get an Oscar nomination thrown in with their red card,' he continually moans. His trademark waving of his arms accompanied by a snort and roll of the eye suggests that, for some players, bringing back the birch would not be inappropriate.

Download or read book 'Goannae No Dae That!' written by Allan Morrison and published by Luath Press Ltd. This book was released on 2014-11-28 with total page 181 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Scots have a unique way of communicating their feelings. Their sayings are cheeky, to the point, rude and always funny. Scotland's bestselling humour author is back with his latest collection of hilarious Scottish sayings.'Away an' bile yer heid an' mak silly soup!'That wan's in everything but the Co-operative windae!''If ah had your money ah wid burn ma ain''Ye've goat a heid oan ye like a stair-heid''The gemme's a bogie''Yer cruisin' fur a bruisin'''Ah'm that hungry ah could eat a scabbie-heided horse''Castor oil cures everythin' but a widden leg''Wan minute yer a peacock an' the next yer a feather duster''Yer talkin' mince withoot a tattie in sight''Lang may yer lum reek, an' may a wee moose never leave yer kitchen press wi' a tear in its ee''Yer herr's mingin', hingin' an' clingin''From the infallible wisdom of the Glesca Granny, to the hilarious patter of larger-than-life conductress Big Aggie MacDonald, Allan Morrison has a sharp eye and a silver tongue when it comes to observational humour.SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY on Haud Ma Chips, Ah've Drapped the Wean!

Download or read book More Than a Game written by Archie Macpherson and published by Luath Press Ltd. This book was released on 2020-05-03 with total page 292 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'This is like a scene from Apocalypse Now' Archie Macpherson examines the story of football's most explosive rivalry - Celtic v Rangers. In this book he centres on the infamous riot at the Old Firm Scottish Cup Final at Hampden on 10 May 1980, at which he was the match commentator, and which resulted in the banning of alcohol in football grounds. He explores his memories of the many clashes between the two clubs over his half-century broadcasting career. This leads him inevitably to the sources of the sectarianism which has characterised this fixture and the West of Scotland. He weaves his experiences, and those of others, into the complex tapestry of social issues and club loyalties and takes us through the wider political context: World War II, the invisible hand of Margaret Thatcher and Scotland's independence referendum. This vitriolic conflict is more than a game. It is a kaleidoscope of bitter dispute, and occasional violence, and Archie Macpherson provides a colourful insight into how it was to live with the Old Firm for over five decades.

Download or read book Kerryoans up the Clyde! written by Allan Morrison and published by Luath Press Ltd. This book was released on 2021-11-15 with total page 138 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'If the Waverley sank right now and I wanted to swim to the nearest land, how far would that be?' 'About a hundred yards, sur.' 'Amazing. Which way?' 'Down!' True 'Glesca' humour and history combined, Kerryoans up the Clyde! recounts the adventures of a vessel full of character with a captain to match: Morrison's Waverley and 'Big Lizzie' are each as formidable and inalienably Scottish as the other. Morrison captures the charmingly unique spirit of the last of the Clyde's paddle steamers as well as the facts of its history. Full of playful tales, many a chuckle and the quirky illustrations of Bob Dewar, you're sure to find something that floats your boat!

Download or read book The Herald Diary 2014 written by Ken Smith and published by Black & White Publishing. This book was released on 2014-10-14 with total page 233 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It's a memorable year in Scotland. The country will vote on independence, Glasgow will welcome the world to the Commonwealth Games, and the world's best golfers battle it out in the Ryder Cup on Scottish soil. Meanwhile, Scots do what they always do - eat and drink too much, complain about the weather and, fortunately, have a laugh about it. Their tales of the funniest events will be sent to The Herald newspaper's iconic Diary column, and the best of them are gathered here.

Download or read book The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes written by Ruth Hogan and published by Two Roads. This book was released on 2018-05-03 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An irresistible novel of unexpected friendships, second chances and dark secrets, from the bestselling author and Queen of Uplit Ruth Hogan. 'Warm and wise' Guardian | 'A book to really love' Stylist | 'Will soften even the hardest of hearts' Red | 'Subtle and poignant' Good Housekeeping | 'Plenty of spirit and heart' Daily Mail | 'An adorable heartfelt story' Prima | 'Filled with hope and the power of friendship' Evening Standard | 'A whimsical, wistful affair' Sunday Express | 'A wrenching story of recovery' Metro Once a spirited, independent woman with a rebellious streak, Masha's life has been forever changed by a tragic event twelve years ago. Unable to let go of her grief, she finds comfort in her faithful canine companion Haizum, and peace in the quiet lanes of her town's lido. Then a chance encounter with two extraordinary women - the fabulous and wise Kitty Muriel, a convent girl turned magician's wife turned seventy-something roller disco fanatic, and the mysterious Sally Red Shoes, a bag lady with a prodigious voice - opens up a new world of possibilities, and the chance to start living again. But just as Masha dares to imagine the future, her past comes roaring back ... Like her bestselling debut, The Keeper of Lost Things, The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes introduces a cast of wonderful characters, both ordinary and charmingly eccentric, who lead us through a moving exploration of the joy of friendship and the simple human connections that make life worth living. *And if you loved The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes, check out Ruth Hogan's latest novel, Madame Burova . . . coming soon in 2021*

Download or read book Dinna Fash Yersel, Scotland! written by Allan Morrison and published by Luath Press Ltd. This book was released on 2022-12-30 with total page 132 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: These are tough times. Prices spiralling! Climate change! International tension! Pandemics! It's not hard to find things to worry about. But Scottish grannies can be an oasis of calm. Their wit and wisdom, their compassion and knowhow, their measured good sense and withering reproaches are exactly what is required. Scottish grannies are reassuring. They are relevant. And they need to be heard.